Send help. Please.

B: Do I have a penis bone?

V: ::OH MY GOD!! Maybe if I sit here quietly, he will forget he asked. Close your eyes. Become invisible.::

B: Momma? Do I have a penis bone?

V: ::DAMMIT:: No, you don't have a penis bone.

::SUCCESS! Moving on.::

B: Then why is it so hard?

V: ::So this is what it is going to be like when I die.::

Because when you get excited, blood moves from your body into your penis and it gets hard. Then when you calm down, the blood goes away and it gets soft again.

::PLEASE LET THIS WORK. IS THIS EVEN RIGHT???::

B: Oh, so the blood makes it hard? Blood is really strong.

V: Yep.

B: And then it gets soft again.

V: Yep. That's the special thing about penises. They get hard and they get soft and both are normal. *

B: Wow. Cool.

::Runs away like he has not COMPLETELY scarred me for life!::

V: ::Welp. That could've gone worse. I think. Maybe.::

* Please note, I was wiping his adorable tush while I talked about that last part. See previous post. Majestic Wiper of All Things.

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You're gonna want to share this one. Because nothing makes people laugh more than a female wholly unprepared to answer a 5 year old's question about his penis. I won't call this a single mom win. I will take the draw.