You have to blame the mistress. Your anger has to be directed to the other thing and not your partner. Whether the other thing is booze or gambling or porn or xyz. The blame and anger has to be directed at the other. If not, you have to look to yourself. You have to look in the mirror. And I don't mean the mirror that smooths your skin, takes off 10 lbs and only gets you from your best angle. I mean the mirror in the dressing room with the crappy lighting. The one that magnifies all your shortcomings and insecurities as you try on bathing suits after your body has not seen sun for 5 months. That mirror. And nobody, nobody, wants to look in that mirror.