Still Waters Run Deep.
That is one of my favorite quotes. I use it all the time. As a reminder and permission and hope, even. But the truth is that right now the waters aren't still. The quote is a bit of a trick really. The impact zone has settled. We were pulled under with the force but have since popped back up. Not the same as we were, no, but the active hurt and betrayal and discovery is over. The active disturbance is done. So you breathe. Then you remember, the impact zone settles first. But the ripples? Far and wide. They seemingly go on forever.
I had some experience with this. I remember the ripples of my parent's divorce. It's surprising how far-reaching they are. I don't know if people actively pick sides or you just re-align with the person you came with. The one with whom you share the longest history or strongest bond or blood. The lines are drawn and it is a brave, brave person who will cross them. But they don't stop there. The ripples reach acquaintances, facebook friends, service providers, the people who mow your lawn. You feel on solid footing and then a new ring emerges. And you think, crap, when will this end.
I don't know if it does. I imagine that it does. I hope that it does. It's not easy. I remember in therapy trying to explain how very far-reaching this would be. How it wouldn't just be the five of us impacted by the affair and divorce. How the break would impact many and for a very long time. In some cases, forever. But when you are stuck in your own misery and sure that divorce is the only solution, the ripples don't matter. I knew then. He's learned now.
So, still waters run deep. But the ripples eventually still. Or so I tell myself. For now, I'll hope and pray for the safety and healing for those currently in the ripples. And that the waters settle. Sooner than later, sure. But at all would be good, too.
If you're in a ripple. Hold on. It gets better. It may not feel like it. But it does. I know. And you won't see it coming. One day you will just look up and realize you survived the turbulence. When you reach that day, congratulate yourself. It wasn't pretty or easy or fun. But you did it. You reached calm waters. You are amazing.