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A Letter to Her

I wrote a letter to her. Well, it was a text. And I sent it as a group text to both of them. Because I wanted him to see it, too. Partly for him to know what was said. Texts can be so easily edited. Partly so he knew I was serious and done. In every way.

Let's begin, shall we.


"It's Vanessa and I have some things to say. I held off in deference to [Wasband's name] as he had, multiple times, told me he had ended your relationship and that there was no need for me to take care of it. But I deserve a moment because I am not a silent mystery in this situation. Any more anyway.

I know you're only part of the cause. And partly a symptom. But he was married. And in marital therapy. Which is why he wasn't texting. Because a)that was step 1 in earning back my trust and b)something easily checked via cell records. In the end blame the wings you two had for dinner. And the bad taste in your mouth because of it? Totally the same reaction here. Just the opposite reason.

He begged me to stay as often as he told you he loved you. Even up to last Sunday after saying that he had broken it off with you. Yet again. You can only know one side. That being said, I do hope he can find the happiness with you that he could not find with his family.

Your number is blocked from our (now my) carrier. I will not see any reply. Also why he was not getting your texts the week you were, as he said, "caught". Which he did know. Not an issue now that he has his own bill. I see you've reinstated all your social media as well. Fine. I don't need to check anymore. Though I will be sharing the screenshots with [redacted]. Fool me once..."


I sent this ten days after I found the instagram thread and decided it was over. Ten days of a social media blackout must have felt like an eternity to a 27 year old. Which makes me giggle. And I don't want to give her credit for feeling ashamed. She was scared I would hurt her. She was actually afraid I was sitting outside her apartment in my car. Ummm, no, sweetheart, I am far too busy for that ish. My friends however... just kidding. They are also way too busy. Bless your heart. Side note - We have blocked each other on all social media channels. I actually went a little Oprah and blocked errrrrrrrybody. I didn't want anyone on the wasband's dodgeball team knowing my business. It's a total Cancer the Crab thing to do and I don't regret it. I needed the space and freedom and protection for me and my littles.

Looking back at this, it seems so much more tempered than I was feeling. So much kinder than they deserved. By then I already knew I wanted to go high when they went low and I knew the power of the screenshot. I wanted to keep my nose clean. And I really did wish them happiness. Because a)it would have been a TON easier financially if they shacked up and b)it would have, in some way, made all of this imploding worth it. But that didn't happen. Nobody was shocked. Except maybe them.

I wouldn't change the text. I meant what I said and I said what I meant. If she read it? I don't know. But I sent it and that was the point. And I would do it again. In retrospect, it was the start of my empowerment and my journey back to health and worth. And I didn't call them any bad names. In the text. In truth, I have crafted my own impressively salty monikers for each of them. But those are for the inner circle.


I think a lot of women, or men, would like to be able to send a text or letter to the person who was part of the affair. Maybe it's cowardly to do it and then block someone. They have no ability to respond. But it's not about them. This text was for me. The shattered person left behind. To prove that you can shatter but still mend. Mayhap even stronger and more beautiful than before.

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