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Seriously? What in the AF?

Funny story. When it all went down last Spring/Summer/Fall, listen we have already talked about how I don't give in until I am ready, I totally felt behind the eight ball. Like he was light years ahead of me in dealing with the separation and dissolution and moving on. Though I guess it's easier to move on when you start the moving while still married. Aaaaanyway...I thought I was behind. And I was. But I am starting to see that maybe that's not entirely true. That it's not that clear a dichotomy. Are or aren't. Prepared or not. In step or behind. But I had to deal with the feelings in true time and when they were happening TO me and, in that way, I was a little behind. Now that the luster of the girlfriend and bachelor life has worn off, somebody is starting to have some regerts (google image that one. You're welcome.).

Now that that is happening, I went off to earn my PsyD in Googleland and searched for visuals of the stages of grief. To see if it could help me see my past, present and future and maybe help me understand where the wasband is/was coming from. I found this. Ummm, who the eff actually heals like this? In one fluid FORWARD motion through each stage or in a cycle i.e. "regularly repeated in the same order"??? Do people do that? Do you know anyone? I need to meet that magical unicorn.

Cycle - Series of events regularly repeated in the same order.

Because mine, um, well mine looks a lot more like this. That whole mess in the middle? The chaos and back and forth and ups and downs and magoo? Yah. That was me. No linear fluid forward motion for this girl. Maybe I am the outlier. Maybe I am one of the necessary ones to create the bell curve. But I have a feeling I am not. I have a feeling that most people follow a path similar to mine. It just doesn't make for a pleasing visual or uplifting chart of progression. As an academic, I totally get that. As a person, c'mon now, give us a little credit. The middle's new name - the part that totally sucks. The end - that part that made the suckage worth it. Excuse me while I go apply for a grant.

My ride has been a little more like this.


Know somebody on this roller coaster? You may not know who they are but you do. You know somebody living this journey right now. Share it. It may help them feel more sane, more normal, less alone and a little more hopeful.

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